I have begun the daily pages (I have been doing them at night). I find them filled with whining and regrets. This seems to be normal for me. The first few days of the pages every time I have done the AW has been this way. Whining about what I am not doing and why I am not doing it and regretting not doing what my heart longs to do. Why am I like this? I was reading Kat's blog a couple of days ago and she was talking about having time to create and all of a sudden she is tired and a hundred other things distract her. Ok...Was she in my head? I need to get a handle on this. When I was in theatre designing costumes I didn't have this problem. I needed to design costumes for a show I sat at the table and got the designs cranked out. I did some procrastinating; sharpening all the pencils, making sure the exact right music was on, making sure the dishes were done, going through the research one last time to make sure the inspiration was there, but usually within a very reasonable time I was on my way to sketching and painting the renderings. I don't seem to have that kind of discipline now that I don't have the structure of deadlines, production meetings, and people waiting in the costume shop to build the costumes.

So, how do I get myself in the studio creating?

I like the goals that Swirly has set. 500 pieces this year. I so understand setting goals above and beyond what you think you can accomplish. It sets you up to go beyond what you can possibly do. I love what she says:

But right now my passion is to do just that - to be nuts, howl at the moon and ride a whale. I want to set goals that seem unattainable and reach farther than seems possible because in the end, even if I don't reach the top of the highest tree in the forest, I'll be a lot higher than if I play it safe.

That kind of thinking will get me out of the rut I have dug for myself. The rut from 6 months of being unemployed and another 6 months of being at a job that is mind numbingly boring. But to look at the positive, that 6 months were transformational! I spend the time going through AW. I spend about 4 hours every morning on AW, studying, and journaling. And the fruits of that has led me to this wonderful adventure of getting trained as a Life Purpose Coach. And this mind numbing job is one that I strictly work 9 hours m-th and 4 hours on Friday and walk away from at the end of the day with no taking the job home at all. In all reality it is a precious gift. It pays well - particularly for a temp job. Paradigm shift!